How to Refer the Guy Who Knows Everything

This is the last post in a series on how frustrating it can be for cheerleader types wanting to ‘help’ a smart guy who doesn’t actually want help/feel helpable/believe that respectful, fun help is available.

Even if you’re convinced that I’m a good (non-help-y word that better describes my services anyways) conversation partner for him, I understand how risky it can feel to recommend he talk to me. 

So just don’t.

I Don’t Want You to Recommend Talking to Me At All.

Please do not recommend anyone reach out to me unless he’s literally ASKING YOU for a recommendation on who to REACH OUT to. (Highly unlikely!)

So what if he’s not asking?

As I’ve stated in most of my recent emails (it’s a series on referring), it is vital to NOT nag him into taking me (or anyone) up on an offer of a “free conversation.” This is only slightly more important than you not nagging him to subscribe to my eZine. 

But you don’t want to forward everything I write and become his permanent Rational Hearts Subscription Service Provider, either! What to do?

1, 2, 3, Done.

If you subscribe to my blog yourself for a while, read a post every so often, and, once in a blue moon, forward one to someone who comes to mind, you are doing the world a huge service.

I can actually afford to send these posts to as many as 5,000 people FOR FREE before I incur even the most modest monthly fee which I’ll happily pay and easily afford, and then I can help 10,000 or even more people for the same amount of effort as it would be to write for 10. 

Anonymously. Confidentially. At their leisure. 

It’s my pleasure and a huge honor to reach as many inboxes as I already do, and I will not resent thousands more subscribers, even if less than 1% ever hire me. Remember, most of my guys are autodidacts: they prefer to learn things on their own terms! 

And your forwarding the right person THREE emails, my friend, is exactly how that happens!!

Now, once you’ve forwarded 1 or 2 emails to the same person, I invite you to make a point of the 3rd one being your last forward (at least for a year or so). 

“This is the, like, 3rd email from Bree that I’m forwarding you, my friend. I have the feeling you’ll keep coming to mind when I read them, but you’ve got a mind of your own, so I am gonna slip out and trust you to subscribe yourself if you like what she writes about.
Hell, I’m not even who she’s writing for and she cracks me up and makes me smarter. I hope you can still get the eBook she gave me when I started out. It was pretty good.”

It’s important to me that you convey trust in his taste. Let him know he’d have to subscribe directly in order to receive more from me, and that show of trust in his choices will work wonders – for your relationship as well as mine.

But Shouldn’t He Meet You, Bree?

I get it. It makes sense. If you want him to hire me, (or want me to get paid,) I can see your sweet intention there. But I need you to trust that I will plug for my business myself, to him directly, not too often, and not too little.

If your smart guy is like most whom I’ve helped, he’s not excited at the prospect of meeting a confident, happily married woman to talk about his frustrations.

Hell, even chatting or texting with me online would only happen if he’s built an image of me and how I’ll respond to him and his words over time. This kind of trust doesn’t grow on trees. It grows in inboxes. And it takes time.

What About the eBook?

If you want to plug for the eBook, thanks! Please only do so sincerely, and from having read it. And please don’t forward it, as it is the enticing instant gratification item that helps people cross the threshold to subscribe (and make sure my emails don’t go to spam!)

“This article’s okay, but she wrote an eBook I think you’d have a lot to say about, called Smarts Make It Hard to Connect from the Heart!!! I love her sense of humor, and how she never makes fun of smart guys but helps me understand you better, I think.”
– forwarding email, not eBook

Okay, but How?

Your forwards will probably be best received if you add what you, yourself learned from reading them. 

“Dear Brother, this post makes me more patient and optimistic about next time we have to talk about what to do about Mom – I love you and I’m sorry when I get impatient with you.” 

“My friend, this struck a chord for me. Bree helps me see you in a whole different light. I always loved you, but now, I think I’m beginning to understand…”

“I had to laugh out loud at this one. Have you subscribed to these yet? I can’t forward every one of these to you – they’re all too fitting. At least, the ones I’ve read are. I’ve been underestimating how stressful it is to be the brilliant man you are, and I think I’m seeing ways to be different about setting expectations. You’re a good man, my son. A good man.”

Intimidating Intellect

In my recent posts, I encourage you to not so much be intimidated by your smart guy’s intellect, as to understand he is intimidated by having to retain the status it confers. If intelligence were a major part of your identity, you’d steer clear of anything that sounds too far beyond your comfort zone as well.

So please, don’t intimidate, and don’t be intimidated.

And hey… without getting gossipy, email me any topics you think would hit home for him, and I’ll help as best I can!

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