You don’t want therapy.
You want what you signed up for
when your partner moved in:
when your partner moved in:
more pleasure,
less pressure!
less pressure!
But if she’s like: “we need to talk.”
And you’re like: “we just did!”
It can’t last.
Whether you’re still together, or broken up,
talking about talking
can feel circuitous
like a trap.
You're a Lover,
When trust, love, and connection feel unreliable, it can suddenly get scary.
The blame-game can make you want to throw in the towel.
Trying to “just be chill” can get you misinterpreted as
“distant,” “distracted,” or “uncaring.”
Oof!
- You do hear her.
- She does affect you.
- You are taking action!
You just don’t want all the blame.
Do you need to catch your breath and regroup?
If she’s proposing counseling,
she may have no idea what that implies.
she may have no idea what that implies.
No clue.
She probably honestly thinks it’ll be a big help.
For both of you.
For both of you.
She doesn’t realize that, for you,
an invitation to couples counseling
might feel more like
being asked to face stuff
— stuff that’s already difficult in private —
on an enforced schedule
and, on top of that,
“performing in front of a live audience.”
…an audience whose Ph.D. you’re paying for.
That would take a lot of trust you don’t have.
You don’t want to pay anyone to
- get you to apologize,
- prompt you to say “I love you,” or
- dissect thoughts/feelings caused by misinterpretations —
AS IF YOU HADN’T TRIED THAT YET.
NO, THANKS!
It’s hard to trust things can improve by paying for ‘help.’
Having to learn new ways of talking
that don’t feel easy or natural to you,
can feel like being lured into an unfair fight.
Like a test without warning.
Sudden death.
Hiring (potentially unhelpful) ‘help’ feels awfully
- risky,
- expensive, and
- anxiety-provoking
(which jinxes it bigtime.)
Again:
When the mere idea of an unhappy partner
feels like a threat to your relationship status
— and therefore, perhaps, to your identity —
it’s hard to imagine how hiring someone could make a difference
FAST ENOUGH…
FAST ENOUGH…
The premise of ‘help’ is too alarming, isolating, and stressful in & of itself.
Even one-on-one, tailored help that actually feels like it’s working has built-in awkwardness:
the open-ended format of slow-drip, weekly, 50-minute appointments without an end in sight
requires a certain amount of patience and trust
some of us simply don’t have.
the open-ended format of slow-drip, weekly, 50-minute appointments without an end in sight
requires a certain amount of patience and trust
some of us simply don’t have.
You have good reason to hesitate, and…
the more you know, the wiser your choices will be.
I offer interesting research prompts in my
Un-Course.
completely FREE.
The Un-Course is independent research:
- You decide where/how you get your info.
- Open-ended prompts.
- Stimulating questions.
- No right/wrong answers.
- You practice articulating yourself
without being on trial.
Let’s celebrate your independent thinking.
The world won’t change overnight from one little course,
but taking it is, technically, proof you’re “doing something.”
If you have little hope for real, tangible, lasting,
empowering relief,
…I invite you to scroll back up,
enroll in the Un-Course to allow your critical thinking capabilities to justify that fear
without altogether giving in to doom-and-gloom…
before you read on.
Surely therapy isn't
the only kind of support out there...
Many couples therapists recommend
that partners each hire their own
one-on-one support-person
in addition to the couple’s counselor.
If you’d rather not have to pay for all those experts
session-by-session, indefinitely…
If you don’t have the energy for anything without a guarantee…
If you want something quick and effective before you’ll even consider
opening up in couples counseling…
If you’ve ever wished for a quick-and-painless,
lecture-free, fascinating,
brilliance-unleashing non-therapy
designed by and for the Sherlock Holmes’ of the real world…
…but assumed that option doesn’t exist…
This is your lucky day.
Even if you’re so averse to talking about emotions
that you’d rather describe objects’
relative speed and position in space and time,
you might just love my approach to helping you tap your own deeper knowing
because it helps you make more useful hypotheses
and have a more accurate sense of your and others’ chemistry.
Hi, I’m Bree.
You make perfect sense. It just takes sorting out.
With my support, you have all the brilliant insights yourself.
And guaranteed tangible, measurable results.
I’m an autodidactic polymath with healthy distrust of both dogma and pseudo-science. Being a Dutch graduate of Laboratory Sciences whose thesis project was published in Nucleic Acids Research might sound impressive, but I haven’t touched a PCR machine or Northern blot since 2006. My true passion is scientific inquiry itself.
I embrace the attitude of “I’ll believe it when I see it” in my service to fellow skeptics who feel dead inside, who get existential dread from relational stress, or who don’t know how “just be yourself” could possibly go well, moment-to-moment.
I have immense empathy for abandoned boys and betrayed men. When I was 10, my mom put the entire Atlantic Ocean between me and my brother. Between me and my dad. I’ve deeply related to all boys and men ever since.
Another part of my specializing in men is because most of the feeling-healing stuff out there isn’t explicitly reassuring to men — especially if your degree is in the hard sciences:
- Capitalism lures men down addictive, illegal, or otherwise exploitative avenues and into jail or psych wards.
- Meditation can compound numbness if it unwittingly habituates you to bypassing or suppressing stuff.
- Other paths require “talking about feelings” with an expert or in a group, but for many men, that’s not an option.
I was part the 10% of the adult population with no inclination or ability to talk about feelings. (10% of the population is a LOT of people!) I couldn’t settle on words for my feelings, and Nonviolent Communication vocabulary lists stressed me out and stilted my speech.
I would be a complete mess today if I hadn’t found the approach I now offer others. It is
- much more long-lasting than solace,
- much more logical and immediate than therapy, and
- much more empowering than coaching, advice, or stuff that requires faith.
I’m committed to supporting guys who are anxious for results because they’re unsure anything will work.
I don’t do
‘behavioral change.’
I’m no therapist or social worker.
No toxic positivity coach.
No guru with affirmations.
I’m not a trainer, either:
no rehearsing in front of the mirror.
No ‘tips and tricks’ from me!
My approach is highly effective because it requires zero faith.
It’s neither cognitive-behavioral, nor hypnotic.
It’s about your first-hand, empirical facts.
Nothing judgy or hard-ass,
but it gets the job done.
And fast.
Your own wisdom is wiser
than that of anyone
trying to manipulate you
into being like them.
It’s tempting to ask others for advice, and then be “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” follow it. That’s partly because even the best advice in the world isn’t alive for you, it’s not talking to you, it’s not responsive in real time, if it’s not coming from within you.
If your trust in yourself has been damaged, it makes perfect sense you need evidence to be able to rebuild it.
When you’re new to tapping your own wisdom, you might need it in small bites of verifyable data, so you can grow it bit by bit.
Your trust in your ability to become the man you’ve always wanted to be, would need to be based on a lot of pixels, a lot of bites, a lot of real, tangible information.
You need to feel relief.
You need proof there’s nothing inside of you that you can’t understand yourself (even if, at first, you need support in learning how to look at it.)
“Bite-sized” doesn’t mean it needs to take long.
One weekend has turned many lives around.
The changes that follow are truly optional:
- You can choose to be more yourself,
more capable, and
more free than ever,
and yet,
- you can also consciously opt for your familiar, old, habitual response,
if that’s what’s wisest in any given situation.
You’re truly adding options… without losing anything.
What if you could stop stressing about how exactly to
“just be yourself?”
- Suddenly, being around people would be far more rewarding and interesting…
- which would make life a lot less baffling, tedious, and scary…
- which would make all of your goals easier to reach…
Let’s use your love of exactitude to unlock innate soft skills overnight — skills you thought you didn’t have.
Here's how it works
You bring what's bugging you
You bring something like:
- “My ex’s mood suddenly changes; it’s overwhelming.”
or - “I’ll barely have arrived home and she’s talking fast– Aah!”
or - “It takes me DAYS to recover from socializing. I hate being dragged along.”
We settle on 1 specific freeze-frame of pain/numbness/overwhelm you never want to experience again.
(This is part of crafting your personalized money-back guarantee around exactly what unpleasant experience will feel different in future if you work with me. I offer you plenty of time to sleep on the details before signing up. And scheduling the real work can take a few days. But then, it can go quite fast!)
I help you gather data
Without having to re-experience or explain it, you tell me the specific, technical details you remember offhand.
My predictable set of questions make it safe for you to take in my warmth and nurturance free from manipulation.
I ask a series of questions nobody has ever thought to ask you. Very technical questions that even my least sensitive, most inarticulate clients find they actually can answer.
No questions like “when, what, where, how, and why.”
No analysis.
No labels.
Just your first-hand experience of discomfort.
We focus on, for example, ‘numbness’ in that particular freeze-frame moment… as separate form ‘overwhem,’ ‘heebie-jeebies’ and ‘wanting to escape’ — which each get focused attention.
Data is power
With data of the right level of granularity, ambiguity subsides. Your own calm, centered curiosity arises. Effortlessly.
You know it’s working, because you can sense just a trace of the bad feeling as if from a safe, remote place…
Except this time…
For the first time,
you're not helpless.
A mystery you’ve been trying to solve on your own for decades, unravels:
the “mood-bomb” you’ve been trying to tip-toe around
proves, indeed, to have been dormant and hidden,
forever lying in wait…
Always looking for its chance to detonate…
But this time, you have the exact kind of
neutral, scientific, exploratory attitude
and bomb-dismantling support you’ve needed
(instead of the usual, 100% understandable frustration.)
Now it can stop endangering your peace of mind!
All you have to do
is answer the same questions about your first-hand experience
in a different order…
this time answering what you’d RATHER experience,
carefully toggling only one data-point — one dimension — at a time.
THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING.
LITERALLY.
If you take the whole next day after our daylong sessions,
and you truly relax and take care of yourself that day
transcribing the essence of your 9 Big Insights,
and
if you spend 5 painless minutes pouring over our notes every day for 9 weeks,
you’ll notice everywhere:
You’ve stopped fighting yourself.
With this inner cease-fire,
you taste what it’s like
to be your best, deepest self.
Best of all,
— and this is highly paradoxical —
the real-life situations that used to “set you off”
start to actually grant you access
to a calm, collected mindset.
You recognize who you’ve always been inside,
shining through.
Life is less like a minefield
when there’s no more mood-bombs
beneath the surface.
Want to be able to interact with people without losing yourself?
Let's
dismantle that mood-bomb
$
2700**
Three $900 installments
-
You get
-
Everything from the DIY Plan,* plus
-
A care package via snail mail.
-
Thumb drive for recording all our Zoom meetings.
-
Two-and-a-half days of my undivided attention.
-
An app for integrating your 9 Big Breakthroughs in just 5 minutes/day.
-
Nine weeks of after-care calls on a bespoke cadence.
-
Measurable improvement in your quality of life.
-
Within just 72 hours, we
-
Map your pain.
-
Melt it away.
-
Choose your own metrics. Start tracking change.
More info
No faith/hope required.
**I guarantee improvement in your life satisfaction based on specific metrics we define together before you even sign on.
* This total includes anything you paid towards a recent DIY Planning process; it's fine to go that route first.
No faith/hope required.
**I guarantee improvement in your life satisfaction based on specific metrics we define together before you even sign on.
* This total includes anything you paid towards a recent DIY Planning process; it's fine to go that route first.
now
accepting
new clients
accepting
new clients
For a decade, I did not have close personal relations. It was like:
‘I don’t care! This is hopeless! Forget it!’
Well, it was a Hail Mary pass, but
this has been the HUGEST turn-around!
‘I don’t care! This is hopeless! Forget it!’
Well, it was a Hail Mary pass, but
this has been the HUGEST turn-around!
Retired Clinical
Massage Therapist
You assisted me with such positive change.
It has made a huge difference in my outlook and my ability to relax, be more content, and happy.
It has made a huge difference in my outlook and my ability to relax, be more content, and happy.
Public Servant
If someone were, like me, never able to have big groups of friends, tried Adderall, alcohol, and all kinds of therapy, but wasn't able to talk much or give the therapist much to work with, I'd recommend working with you.
My big "aha" moment was that it's the war with yourself that's damaging. You showed me my neuroplasticity.
What we did in one weekend now allows me to pay a lot more attention to upset, fear, and other fight/flight reactions.
Since then, I've been able to be more comfortable with myself, and not bring myself down.
My big "aha" moment was that it's the war with yourself that's damaging. You showed me my neuroplasticity.
What we did in one weekend now allows me to pay a lot more attention to upset, fear, and other fight/flight reactions.
Since then, I've been able to be more comfortable with myself, and not bring myself down.
Tech
I’m a big-bandwidth person, and so
I’m often afraid of overwhelming people.
What I appreciate about you, Bree, is that you are “big enough.”
I feel like I can be met by you.
You can meet me.
I can be as big, or as much, of “me” as I need to be, and you can meet me.
I don’t have to be nervous about “OMG, I have to say only 10% of who I am” for fear of overwhelming you.
I’m often afraid of overwhelming people.
What I appreciate about you, Bree, is that you are “big enough.”
I feel like I can be met by you.
You can meet me.
I can be as big, or as much, of “me” as I need to be, and you can meet me.
I don’t have to be nervous about “OMG, I have to say only 10% of who I am” for fear of overwhelming you.
Portland, OR
Bree, I offer tremendous thanks.
This book would not have happened without you.
I've had many past lives, but you...
You're from the future.
This book would not have happened without you.
I've had many past lives, but you...
You're from the future.
We’re very different people
– I’m introverted, shy, and sometimes shut down, and Bree can be very outgoing and outspoken –
and
she consistently meets our differences by communicating transparently about her own experience, inviting me to give her feedback and adapting to it, and actively and compassionately seeking to understand my experience.
Our meetings have provided me a rare opportunity to experimentally speak my full truth, which has been valuable practice that I have seen enrich my other relationships. It’s been a pleasure to learn and grow with her.
– I’m introverted, shy, and sometimes shut down, and Bree can be very outgoing and outspoken –
and
she consistently meets our differences by communicating transparently about her own experience, inviting me to give her feedback and adapting to it, and actively and compassionately seeking to understand my experience.
Our meetings have provided me a rare opportunity to experimentally speak my full truth, which has been valuable practice that I have seen enrich my other relationships. It’s been a pleasure to learn and grow with her.
Your approach impressed not only me, but all the employers I sought to work for.
I now work with the firm of my choice, and I know it is the right fit. Pragmatically speaking I’m making a healthy salary. Plus I’m ecstatic to work with a team of people who share many of my visions and work diligently to make them real.
We did this together, Bree.
Thanks for standing by me all the while and encouraging me through every step.
I now work with the firm of my choice, and I know it is the right fit. Pragmatically speaking I’m making a healthy salary. Plus I’m ecstatic to work with a team of people who share many of my visions and work diligently to make them real.
We did this together, Bree.
Thanks for standing by me all the while and encouraging me through every step.
Scientist
I’m such an introvert that people usually exhaust me. But it’s different with you.
With most people, I’m ready for a nap after about 10 minutes of conversation.
But with you it goes by so fast I don’t even notice time passing.
You’re funny, smart and wise, and so easy to talk to that I’m energized and not exhausted, even when we talk about my least favourite topic: me!
With most people, I’m ready for a nap after about 10 minutes of conversation.
But with you it goes by so fast I don’t even notice time passing.
You’re funny, smart and wise, and so easy to talk to that I’m energized and not exhausted, even when we talk about my least favourite topic: me!
Introvert
Hesitation is Healthy
If you’re on the fence
for any of the following reasons,
JUST DON’T DO IT.
That’s right.
I’m warning you now:
if any of the following are an issue,
it isn’t gonna work out.
- If you don’t have a USB-able device to Zoom on, or are not comfortable enough with comupters to, for example, navigate this in-browser app, I can’t help you with that separate learning curve.
- If you don’t trust Zoom, Chrome, Gmail, and text, my routine means of communication will be too stressful for you.
* I don’t need to know any secrets or your past, so if you feel compelled to speak, you can opt to mute yourself, take your time, or journal. I honor your privacy. - If you’re unwilling to keep your celibacy/relationship status what it is between now and the integration of our work, now is not the time.
In other words:You would tell your partner, ex-partner, or anyone you’re attracted to that you’re not making any moves or decisions for 30 days before or after our 3-day intensive, because that level of change would nix your progress.
Paradoxically, this tends to create an accommodating and patient atmosphere where they relax in a happy, quietly excited sort of way. - I can’t save you.
I’ve helped people make life more worth living, but I’m not a medical or behavioral health professional: I don’t diagnose, think in terms of disease, or offer medical advice or therapy.
I’m not available for free support, I’m not on-call, and I don’t call 9-1-1. - My approach may be rendered ineffective by mind-alteration before, during, or after the intensive (within 30 days.) Sleep, sobriety, and any prescriptions that keep you in consensus reality are important.
No shame if you stray!
It’s just the guarantee that’s nixed.
I don’t manipulate sales:
I’m not going to convince you or change your comfort-level with these pre-requisites.
They’re guarantee-nixing pre-requisites.
This is your heads-up.
On Crushes
A crush can be a helpful fantasy — a phase in finding love for yourself.
Just don’t mistake the real me for being open to come-ons, gifts, or activities beyond our written agreement: I’m not.
If you’re prone to crushing, or think that maybe, once you meet me, something like that might happen, we can address that first: I know some amazing people with great success in that realm.
I’d be happy to not just refer you (temporarily or otherwise) but actually help you get started with them.
That’s my no-wrong-door policy.
I don't talk to the women in your life.
I only care about your experience.
$
I AM NOT A THERAPIST.
Nowadays, Psychologists, Psychiatrists
and Social Workers
often have waitlists.
Millions of people benefit from professional help, and I support that.
FYI, if you have the financial means, you have the option to to pay them out-of-pocket, rather than submit to most insurances' prerequisite of a diagnosis, or limits on session length/frequency.
$
For self-diagnosed 'high-functioning,' highly technical guys, I have seen
results equivalent to
5 MONTHS of weekly sessions of any kind
IN JUST 2 DAYS of
$
Dismantle a
mood bomb
mood bomb
-
-
I guarantee you'll see results
when most facilitators can't guarantee anything at all...
-
4.5 months faster
No weekly performance anxiety.
No keeping your hopes up/down.
Just tangible, nearly-instantaneous relief.
-
at the exact same price.
For comparable results, other facilitators require 5 months of weekly sessions or more. Even if they only charge $125 per session (usually 50 minutes), that's $2690 total.
-
Same price for lasting, faster, guaranteed results.
Not everyone is game for a 2- or 3-day intensive.
I’m not out to ‘sell’ you on a cookie-cutter package. That’s just my best offer.
If your budget allows, those same results can be accomplished at a pace that’s a better match for you and your schedule.
It can be hard to believe relief is possible without experiencing it yet.
The hardest part about hiring anyone might be wishing someone would volunteer and read your mind… which can come from shame at having a basic human need for love and the fear that love isn’t real or available…
The assumption that you have to ‘psych yourself up’ or be a certain way to benefit from services you’re paying for is false and exhausting.
What if you’re exhausted because you’re constantly tiptoeing around live mood-bombs?
Unpredictable ups and downs can really cramp your style and make scheduling appointments into a big ordeal.
Self-imposed prerequisites cause the exact isolation they’re trying to prevent: you can’t schedule ANY activity for fear of disappointment. (Which you already have.)
I GET IT.
You hate making promises you can’t keep…
So don’t.
Don’t promise anything.
Say it with me now:
There’s NO NEED to try to be
- ‘ready,’
- hopeful, or
- in a good mood
to meet me.
No need whatsoever.
I swear.
In fact, many who book these are furious (and secretly exhausted) at having to routinely use all the ‘pep’ they can muster …just to function.
Come, come however you are.
My gift is in seeing your sheer brilliance — even if you yourself feel lost or ‘stupid.’
I have a way of witnessing loneliness without making people lonelier.
- Introduction Call (see possibilities)
- Slept-On-It Call (flesh out possibilities)
- Orientation Call (craft money-back guarantee)
Why bother meeting?
You don’t have to tell me your life story (please don’t), or disclose any secrets, or tell me the worst thing about yourself.
This is just us noticing whether enough trust is present between us to warrant a follow-up call.
To get specific about what I can guarantee you, personally, I’d have to hear you out on what results you’re looking for, and get a sense of where you are at right now. Makes sense?
What are the steps to hiring you, Bree?
First conversation is a Yes/No:
- do you want to work with me and
- do I sense I can help. (I don’t cure gluten intolerance, for example.)
You sleep on it.
Next day (or later, if you prefer) we meet again to discuss actual details, like homework as part of the guarantee.
You sleep on that, too.
(And with your consent, I mail you your care package.)
On appointment #3 you can ask any last questions/make tweaks to our agreement and we’re off to the races: you can have the Orientation Session the same day you sign and pay the first installment.
Note:
You don’t pay a dime for any of the steps preceding actual, tangible benefits.
Zero Sales Pressure? –Really?
Really.
I’m actually curious, in a welcoming way, what it’s like to be you when a mood-bomb goes off.
(Yours, or someone else’s.)
No instant sales. You get to sleep on it, first.
Talking to me is very safe for your wallet, and for you.
Information-gathering doesn’t obligate you to follow through on anything!
I’m happy to refer you to free and/or relevant resources.
Don’t believe me?
That’s healthy skepticism!
How ’bout just doing the simplest thing ever: email!
You’ll immediately get my take on why smarts can be so isolating. Hit ‘Reply’ to ask me anything!
