You don’t want therapy.

You want what you signed up for
when your partner moved in:

more pleasure,
less pressure!

But if she’s like: “we need to talk.”

And you’re like: “we just did!”

It can’t last.

Whether you’re still together, or broken up,

talking about talking
can feel circuitous
like a trap.

Conversation shouldn't be stressful

You're a Lover,
Not a Fighter

How to avoid arguments without avoiding your girlfriend?

When trust, love, and connection feel unreliable, it can suddenly get scary.

The blame-game can make you want to throw in the towel.

Trying to “just be chill” can get you misinterpreted as
“distant,” “distracted,” or “uncaring.”

Oof!

You do hear her.
She does affect you.
You are taking action!

You just don’t want all the blame.

Do you need to catch your breath and regroup?

If she’s proposing counseling,
she may have no idea what that implies.

No clue.

She probably honestly thinks it’ll be a big help.
For both of you.

She doesn’t realize that, for you,

an invitation to couples counseling
might feel more like being asked to do stuff
on an enforced schedule
— stuff that’s already difficult in private,
and, on top of that,

“performing in front of a live audience.”

…an audience whose Ph.D. you’re paying for.

That would take a lot of trust you don’t have.

You don’t want to pay anyone to

get you to apologize,
prompt you to say “I love you,” or
dissect thoughts/feelings caused by misinterpretations —

AS IF YOU HADN’T TRIED THAT YET.

NO, THANKS!

It’s hard to trust things can improve by paying for ‘help.’

Having to learn new ways of talking
that don’t feel easy or natural to you,
can feel like being lured into an unfair fight.

Like a test without warning.

Sudden death.

Hiring (potentially unhelpful) ‘help’ feels awfully

risky,
expensive, and
anxiety-provoking
(which jinxes it bigtime.)

…especially if self-harm is part of your truth
that you don’t want a Mandatory Reporter putting on record
for the world of 9-1-1 to see,
or initiating any kind of Psych Hold.

“No plans, no.
No-sir, ma’am.
Never-been-better!
Have-a-good-day-Goodbye!”

Again:

When the mere idea of an unhappy partner

feels like a threat to your relationship status

— perhaps to your identity —

it’s hard to imagine how anything could make a difference
FAST ENOUGH…

The premise of ‘help’ is too alarming, isolating, and stressful in & of itself.

Even one-on-one, tailored help that actually feels like it’s working has built-in awkwardness:
the open-ended format of slow-drip, weekly, 50-minute appointments without an end in sight
requires a certain amount of patience and trust
some of us simply don’t have.

You have good reason to hesitate, and…
the more you know, the wiser your choices will be.

I offer interesting research prompts in my

Un-Course.

completely FREE.

The Un-Course is independent research:

You decide where/how you get your info.
Open-ended prompts.
Stimulating questions.
No right/wrong answers.
You practice articulating yourself
without being on trial.

Let’s celebrate your independent thinking.

The world won’t change overnight from one little course,
but taking it is, technically, proof you’re “doing something.”

If you have little hope for real, tangible, lasting,
empowering relief,

…I invite you to scroll back up,

enroll in the Un-Course to allow your critical thinking capabilities to justify that fear
without altogether giving in to doom-and-gloom…

before you read on.

Surely therapy isn't
the only kind of support out there...

Many couples therapists recommend
that partners each hire their own
one-on-one support-person
in addition to the couple’s counselor.

If you’d rather NOT have to pay multiple people
session-by-session,
indefinitely…

If you don’t have the energy for anything without a guarantee…

If you want something quick and effective before you’ll even consider
opening up in couples counseling…

If you’ve ever wished for a quick-and-painless,
lecture-free, fascinating,
brilliance-unleashing non-therapy
designed by and for the Sherlock Holmes’ of the real world…

…but assumed that option doesn’t exist…

This is your lucky day.

Even if you’re so averse to talking about emotions
that you’d rather describe objects’
relative speed and position in space and time,

you might just love my approach to helping you

tap your own deeper knowing,
get more accurate readings of your and others’ chemistry, and
test constructive hypotheses — not destructive ones (e.g. “Maybe I just suck.”)

Hi, I’m Bree.

I’m an autodidactic polymath with healthy distrust of both dogma and pseudo-science.

As a (mad) scientist in my 20’s, I lucked out by meeting a fellow pre-med dropout twice my age, whose seminal work changed my life for the best in just a few short months.

Previously, I’d felt sure I would eventually need therapy for all that I’d experienced. But I was just as sure that my beautiful mind could never be tracked and understood by anyone holding a psychological (or any other) model up for comparison. Especially not a stigmatizing model.

His was not a model to compare myself to, but a series of logical blanks to fill in without opinion, without shame or praise, without labels. I loved it.

As a trained scientist with a fear of being labeled (like one of my lab specimens) or mislabeled and over-medicated, I loved the fact that his appraoch met my need for psychoanalysis-free, reproducible, verifiable assessment of the nature of feeling itself, through my own first-hand, scientific observations and those of hundreds (meanwhile thousands) of others he’d helped.

Using only scientific observation skills, it allowed me to change patterns that had plagued me my whole life. Overnight. As if by magic.

It sounds so cheesy and untrue, I know. For more of my background, click here.

6 principles of my work with men
who are terribly uncomfortable talking about feelings

I specialize in working with men who honestly answer “what are you feeling?” with stuff like:

fine,
okay, I guess,
nothing,
numb,
frozen,

clammed up,
shut-down,
stuck,
speechless,
alien,

mute,
unable to speak,
dumbfounded,
emotionally dumb, overwhelmed,

bewildered,
disengaged,
far-off,
distracted,
log-jammed,
grid-locked,

weird,
blank,
unsure,
hazy,
vacant, or
static-y.

I cherish your words where others leave off telling you “this is unacceptable,” or that you’re “being difficult.”

I even embrace and am able to work fine with stuff like “nothing,” “Ugh,” or “I don’t know” as a perfectly valid description of how you “feel” as well.

My principles:

Your natural utterances are actually much more specific than typical “feelings vocabulary” (mad, sad, glad, etc.).
Trust shouldn’t be a prerequisite.
I teach you my method so that nothing I do in sessions will come as a surprise to you — except the relief.
Your schedule and expectations can be matched up.
You’re not stubborn or impossible, you just need a bespoke plan.
You’ve been right to numb overwhelming feelings.
…And it’s numbing your aliveness.
In my and my clients’ experience, numbing was wisest — until more options came available from our quick work relieving emotional pressure.
If you normally DON’T feel your insides (until it’s an emergency), it’s important you retain emotional numbness as one of many options at your disposal, and relieve the pressure in a safe setting in good company.

That’s right:

You keep numbness as an option, but it’s no longer your only option.
You deserve a money-back guarantee, considering the taboos you’re facing.
So I offer one.

I’m Anti-Elitism

I want this to become available to everyone, so I’m also training and certifying practitioners — but only people who are willing to be clients, first.

Can you believe you don’t have to undergo any real therapy to become a therapist?!? I would’ve been a difficult case, myself, if I had ever caved to seeking out therapy (unlikely). Luckily, this modality landed in my lap and was attractive to me as a scientist — because it’s pure science.

Equality makes me a much better facilitator. I have extensive experience receiving what I offer you. And facilitating.

I’ve facilitated almost 100% “difficult cases” who’d found nothing else helped — one of which was described in the famous book ‘Gestalt Verbatim’ as extremely difficult (referred to there as ‘Albert’), and still was when he came to me…

That client is — still to this day — very happy with our work, is thriving now, and even other people are often remarking on the tremendous improvement in his anxiety, neediness, and general countenance. (Shared with permission. He’d be happy to talk if you want to.)

You make perfect sense.

It just takes sorting out.

With my support, you have all the brilliant insights yourself.

And, most importantly:
tangible, measurable results.

Your own wisdom is wiser
than that of anyone
trying to manipulate you
into being like them.

It’s tempting to ask others for advice, and then be “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” and completely anxious about whether to follow it just to please them (and prove you’re different), because at some level you already know it won’t work for you.

That’s partly because even the best advice in the world isn’t alive for you, it’s not appealing to you, it’s not responsive in real time — because it’s not coming from within you.

how to gain postive experience
of your own real wisdom ASAP?

If your trust in yourself has been damaged, or never took root in the first place, it makes perfect sense to prioritize that above all else. And you need reliable evidence to reliably rebuild your self-trust.

When I did it, I called it ‘calibrating myself to Myself.’

When you’re new to tapping into your own wisdom, you might need it in small bites of verifyable data, so you can grow it bit by bit.

Your trust in your ability to become the man you’ve always wanted to be, would need to be based on a lot of pixels, a lot of bites, a lot of real, tangible information.
You need to feel relief.
You need proof there’s nothing inside of you that you can’t understand yourself (even if, at first, you need support in learning how to look at it.)

“Bite-sized” doesn’t mean it needs to take long.
One weekend has turned many lives around.

The changes that follow are truly optional:

You can choose to be more yourself,
more capable, and
more free than ever,

and yet,

you can also consciously opt for your familiar, old, habitual response,
if that’s what’s wisest in any given situation.

You’re truly adding options… without losing anything.

What if you could stop stressing about how exactly to
“just be yourself?”

Suddenly, being around people would be far more rewarding and interesting…
which would make life a lot less baffling, tedious, and scary…
which would make all of your goals easier to reach…

Let’s use your love of exactitude to unlock innate soft skills overnight — skills you thought you didn’t have.

Here's how it works

You bring what's bugging you

You bring something like:

“My ex’s mood suddenly changes; it’s overwhelming.”
or
“I’ll barely have arrived home and she’s talking fast– Aah!”
or
“It takes me DAYS to recover from socializing. I hate being dragged along.”

We settle on 1 specific freeze-frame of pain/numbness/overwhelm you never want to experience again.

(This is part of crafting your personalized money-back guarantee around exactly what unpleasant experience will feel different in future if you work with me. I offer you plenty of time to sleep on the details before signing up. And scheduling the real work can take a few days. But then, it can go quite fast!)

I help you gather data

Without having to re-experience or explain it, you tell me the specific, technical details you remember offhand.

My predictable set of questions make it safe for you to take in my warmth and nurturance free from manipulation.

I ask a series of questions nobody has ever thought to ask you. Very technical questions that even my least sensitive, most inarticulate clients find they actually can answer.

No questions like “when, what, where, how, and why.”
No analysis.
No labels.
Just your first-hand experience of discomfort.

We focus on, for example, ‘numbness’ in that particular freeze-frame moment… as separate from ‘overwhem,’ ‘heebie-jeebies’ and ‘wanting to escape’ — which each get focused attention.

Data is power

With data of the right level of granularity, ambiguity subsides. Your own calm, centered curiosity arises. Effortlessly.

You know it’s working, because you can sense just a trace of the bad feeling as if from a safe, remote place…

Except this time…

For the first time,
you're not helpless.

A mystery you’ve been trying to solve on your own for decades, unravels:
the “mood-bomb” you’ve been trying to tip-toe around
proves, indeed, to have been dormant and hidden,
forever lying in wait…

Always looking for its chance to detonate…

But this time, you have the exact kind of
neutral, scientific, exploratory attitude
and bomb-dismantling support you’ve needed

(instead of the usual, 100% understandable frustration.)

Now it can stop endangering your peace of mind!

All you have to do
is answer the same questions about your first-hand experience
in a different order…
this time answering what you’d RATHER experience,
carefully toggling only one data-point — one dimension — at a time.

THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING.
LITERALLY.

If you transcribe the essence of your 9 Big Insights,
and take the rest I recommend after our sessions
and
if, for nine weeks, on most days you take 5 painless minutes pouring over our notes,
you’ll notice everywhere:

You’ve stopped fighting yourself.

With this inner cease-fire,
you taste what it’s like
to be your best, deepest self.

Best of all,
— and this is highly paradoxical —
the real-life situations that used to “set you off”
start to actually grant you access
to a calm, collected mindset.

You recognize who you’ve always been inside,
shining through.

Life is less like a minefield
when there’s no more mood-bombs
beneath the surface.

$ 0

I want to hear about your situation.

You might be afraid you're a burden, scary, or "a bad man," but I promise you: I get how pain and the search for relief motivates many decisions.

I'm not out to control or try to save you.

I'm here to just be 'in it' with you, with care, and get your point of view from that place. There's room for us to build trust. I've been burned, too... I get it.

After Step 1, there’s a follow-up call for Q&A about the option of Step 2.
Also free.

$ 350 payment in installments / sliding scale available

Session 1: Taste-Test.
Like after a little spoon of ice-cream, you could walk away without paying, but it's too surprisingly delicious!
Session 2: Detailed DIY Planning.
Personalized tour of a vast online resource with all the tools you need to learn how to DIY, and a Detailed DIY Plan.
Sessions 3-12: Zoom + app support.
Ten short visits with me to celebrate or supplement your DIY success at relieving otherwise-permanent emotional pain!

accepting
new mentees

You can, of course, stop at any point.

You can cheaply opt to go it alone, use my app for support and accountability, or involve a buddy/Peer-Support Specialist/etc.

The surest route to lasting relief is to replace sessions 3-12 with Step 3:

$ 900 x 3 sliding scale available

Your first of three $900 installments gets you
everything from the DIY PLAN,
plus:
Care package via snail mail.
Thumb drive for recording all our Zoom meetings.
2.5 days of my undivided attention over Zoom,
or the equivalent spaced out over time.
Nine weeks of after-care calls on a bespoke cadence.
An app to gain 9 Big Breakthroughs in just 5 mins/day.
Minimum 2 points improvement in your overall, chronic, base-level mood on a scale of 1-10, measured 9 weeks later.