You don’t want therapy.
You want what you signed up for
when your partner moved in:
when your partner moved in:
more pleasure,
less pressure!
less pressure!
But if she’s like: “we need to talk.”
And you’re like: “we just did!”
It can’t last.
Whether you’re still together, or broken up,
talking about talking
can feel circuitous
like a trap.
You're a Lover,
When trust, love, and connection feel unreliable, it can suddenly get scary.
The blame-game can make you want to throw in the towel.
Trying to “just be chill”
can get you misinterpreted as
“distant,” “distracted,” or “uncaring.”
Oof!
You just don’t want all the blame.
Do you need to catch your breath and regroup?
If she’s proposing therapy,
she may have no idea what that implies.
she may have no idea what that implies.
No clue.
She probably honestly thinks it’ll be a big help.
For both of you.
She doesn’t realize that, for you, an invitation to couples therapy
might feel more like being told to do stuff that’s already difficult in private,
on an enforced schedule
and, on top of that,
“performing in front of a live audience.”
…an audience whose Ph.D. you’re paying for.
That would take a lot of trust you don’t have.
You don’t want to pay anyone to
- get you to apologize,
- prompt you to say “I love you,” or
- dissect thoughts/feelings caused by misinterpretations —
AS IF YOU HADN’T TRIED THAT YET.
NO, THANKS!
Do any of these scenarios sound familiar?
The mere idea of an unhappy partner
is too much to bear...
expand...
The mere idea of an unhappy partner
is too much to bear...
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It’s too alarming, isolating,
and stressful to even consider
any options beyond
“is love salvageable/unsalvageable?”
and stressful to even consider
any options beyond
“is love salvageable/unsalvageable?”
Once her tone of voice
(her Mood-Bomb)
detonates your Mood-Bomb,
it’s hard to imagine anything
can make a BIG ENOUGH difference,
FAST ENOUGH.
(her Mood-Bomb)
detonates your Mood-Bomb,
it’s hard to imagine anything
can make a BIG ENOUGH difference,
FAST ENOUGH.
All is lost.
And when it’s not,
you don’t dare recall
what ‘all is lost’ felt like.
you don’t dare recall
what ‘all is lost’ felt like.
'Getting help'
sounds stupid / foolish...
expand...
'Getting help'
sounds stupid / foolish...
expand...
Hiring (potentially unhelpful) ‘help’ feels awfully
- risky,
- expensive, and
- anxiety-provoking
(which jinxes it bigtime.)
Reading self-help or taking a course
sounds more doable
(someday… maybe…)
Online research
led you here…
Your partner's definition of 'help'
might be the opposite of yours...
expand...
Your partner's definition of 'help'
might be the opposite of yours...
expand...
For example, NVC or couples counseling:
Being asked to adopt vocabulary
that doesn’t come easily or naturally to you,
can feel like being warmly welcomed
into an unfair fight.
Like a test without warning.
Sudden death.
Most girlfriends have no idea.
They assume it’s painless.
If you recognize yourself in one of those scenarios...
then you probably want
- ONLY efficient and effective solutions…
- ONLY stuff that comes with a guarantee…
- ONLY swift results you can reliably reproduce…
- WITHOUT he-said-she-said,
- WITHOUT “I-told-you-so,”
- WITHOUT blame…
If you’ve ever wished for a
- quick-and-painless,
- lecture-free,
- fascinating,
- brilliance-unleashing
- non-therapy
designed by and for the Sherlock Holmes’ of the real world,
but assumed that option doesn’t exist…
This is your lucky day.
Briana Jacoba...
"bree-Yah-nah dju-KO-bah"
...but you can call me "Bree"
Briana Jacoba supports men of science who want better chemistry with girlfriends, family, and colleagues
Being a Dutch graduate of Laboratory Sciences whose thesis project bla bla bla (was published in Nucleic Acids Research, took place in Harvard’s Dana-Farber Cancer Institute, and led me to Seattle Cancer Care Alliance for microchimerism research) might sound impressive, but I haven’t touched a PCR machine or Northern blot since 2006.
My published discoveries are boring compared to the thrill of receiving what I now offer you.
I learned who I really am, and shed who I dreaded I was/should be, through a calmly curious, purely scientific inquiry into subjective experience.
I’ve helped over 400 individual clients and over 200 group participants extricate themselves from the clutches of emotional turmoil and its alienating consequences. I’ve been a Peer Intervision Consultant to Sex-, Couples-, and IFS Therapists and other types of Counselors in 7 countries.
I have a special place in my heart for fellow neurodivergent folks, because it’s so hard for us to find the right support. I’m told that my straightforward, transparent, predictable, flexible, warm facilitation style is comforting and fosters trust — especially with men.
See, I don’t talk to the women in your life.
I only care about your experience.
Hi, I’m Bree.
Briana Jacoba...
"bree-Yah-nah dju-KO-bah"
...but you can call me "Bree"
Briana Jacoba supports men of science who want better chemistry with girlfriends, family, and colleagues
Being a Dutch graduate of Laboratory Sciences whose thesis project bla bla bla (was published in Nucleic Acids Research, took place in Harvard’s Dana-Farber Cancer Institute, and led me to Seattle Cancer Care Alliance for microchimerism research) might sound impressive, but I haven’t touched a PCR machine or Northern blot since 2006.
My published discoveries are boring compared to the thrill of receiving what I now offer you.
I learned who I really am, and shed who I dreaded I was/should be, through a calmly curious, purely scientific inquiry into subjective experience.
I’ve helped over 400 individual clients and over 200 group participants extricate themselves from the clutches of emotional turmoil and its alienating consequences. I’ve been a Peer Intervision Consultant to Sex-, Couples-, and IFS Therapists and other types of Counselors in 7 countries.
I have a special place in my heart for fellow neurodivergent folks, because it’s so hard for us to find the right support. I’m told that my straightforward, transparent, predictable, flexible, warm facilitation style is comforting and fosters trust — especially with men.
See, I don’t talk to the women in your life.
I only care about your experience.
I love supporting men.
I would prefer a world free of small talk,
where it’s okay to just
go straight to the topics and activities that make me come alive. So…
I’ve helped “talkers” like myself,
who used to be routinely accused of
“dominating conversations” or “mansplaining”
become seen as
the helpful conversation partners we always intended to be.
— Not from any technique —
just from a vibe shift.
"I'm often afraid of overwhelming people"
K.W.
Portland, OR
"I'm a big-bandwidth person, and so I'm often afraid of overwhelming people.
What I appreciate about you, Bree, is that you are 'big enough.'
I don't have to be nervous about 'OMG, I have to say only 10% of who I am' for fear of overwhelming you.
I can be as big, or as much, of 'me' as I need to be, and you can meet me."
I’m good with quiet guys, too…
Men who honestly answer
“what are you feeling?”
with a simple term like:
nothing,
I’m fine,
I don’t know,
okay, I guess,
numb,
frozen,
clammed up,
shut-down,
stuck,
speechless,
alien,
dead inside,
overwhelmed,
stressed-but-bored,
emotionally dumb,
dumbfounded,
mute,
unable to speak,
bewildered,
disengaged,
far-off,
distracted,
log-jammed,
grid-locked,
weird,
blank,
unsure,
hazy,
vacant, or
static-y.
Even “Ugh!” is
a perfectly valid description of how you “feel.”
"i'm introverted, shy, and sometimes shut down."
Adrian E.
Introverted classmate
"We're very different people -- I'm introverted, shy, and sometimes shut down, and Bree can be very outgoing and outspoken.
She consistently meets our differences by
- communicating transparently about her own experience,
- inviting me to give her feedback and adapting to it, and
- actively and compassionately seeking to understand my experience.
Our meetings have provided me a rare opportunity to experimentally speak my full truth, which has been valuable practice that I have seen enrich my other relationships.
It has been a pleasure to learn and grow with her."
Working with me relies on these 3 principles:
- You don’t have to ‘revisit trauma’ or ‘get motivated’ to improve the present;
No matter what’s making today hard, we can dissolve it today,
in our time together today,
focusing on today.
No pep-talks.
No blame and no shame.
No dislodging a forgotten past. - You don’t have to get super vulnerable, push through inhibitions, or surrender to an outside authority;
You can experience a difference-making shift in your life while remaining skeptical, staying stoic, and being the only authority on your own experience. - It’s important to keep numbness as an option– just not your only option.
You’ve been right to numb overwhelming feelings, even though that ironically also numbs your aliveness:
in my clients’ and my own experience, near-constant numbing was wisest — until some quick work relieving the underlying stress made additional options viable and available.
Best of all:
I won’t make you learn new vocabulary.
Your natural utterances are actually much more helpful and specific
than learned ‘feelings vocabulary’ (mad, sad, glad, etc.) so…
Where other facilitators might say (or imply)
that your honesty is “inappropriate,”
or your words
“don’t give them much to work with…”
I interpret your exact words as accurate data
that help you depict and get familiar with
the astounding depth of your own emotional intelligence
which has been hidden away for safekeeping.
"I wasn't able to talk much... or give therapists much to work with"
Brian
Tech
"What we did in one weekend now helps me pay way more attention to my upset, fear, and other fight/flight reactions.
Because of that, I'm able to be more comfortable with myself.
Not bring myself down.
If someone has, like me, tried
I'd recommend working with you."
I AM NOT A THERAPIST.
Nowadays, Psychologists, Psychiatrists
and Social Workers
often have waitlists.
Millions of people benefit from their help
every year,
and I celebrate that.
And if you have the financial means,
you also have the option to to pay them out-of-pocket,
rather than submit to most insurances’ prerequisite
of a diagnosis,
or limits on session length/frequency.
I offer a technical approach to
unlocking soft skills
Soft skills are innate, actually.
When missing, it’s ’cause they went dormant
for safekeeping.
A rational mind can assist the ‘heart’
to let the soft skills
finally shine…
and hide,
as needed…
whatever’s best
moment-to-moment.
Only truly optional change:
You can choose to be
- more yourself,
- more capable, and
- more free than ever,
and yet, you can also consciously opt for your
- familiar,
- old,
- habitual response,
if that’s what’s wisest in any given situation.
You’re truly adding options… without losing anything.
"Always nervous I can't be helped"
J.D.
X-Men fan
"I’ve been in very chaotic emotional situations most of my life, going in and out of psychiatric hospitals since I was a teenager.
You're the first person that has helped me feel connected with myself in a genuine and authentic way.
Without telling me to have hope, you helped me see for myself that there was, in fact, hope.
When we start I'm always nervous that I can’t be helped, but I feel increasing confidence I can stay out of the ward. I continue to be amazed with the significant relief I get from our sessions and their impacts on every part of my life."
"Medically retired, I was at a loss..."
Ron Ellison
Retired Psych Nurse, Published Poet, and more
"Ordinarily, one has to have won several poetry contests to even get the time of day from a publisher. Not having competed, I accepted my defeat. But you were undaunted, Bree, and my debt to you is great; this book would not have happened without you!"
"You'd make a great Jungian analyst, Bree.
I've had many past lives, but you...
You're from the future."
You make perfect sense.
It just takes sorting out.
With my support,
you have all the brilliant insights yourself
and, most importantly:
tangible, measurable results.
If you could stop stressing
about how exactly to
“just be yourself…”
...suddenly, being around people
could be
far more rewarding and interesting...
...which would make life
a lot less baffling, tedious, and scary...
...which would make all of your goals
easier to reach...
Ah, to "just be yourself" again -- as a man!
“I had huge friction with my partner, but now…
Julian,
metropolitan transit operator, a.k.a. bus driver.
“…without trying to change thoughts, words, or actions, something way more subtle, powerful, and meaningful has shifted:
a huge difference in my outlook and my ability to relax.
“Instead of suffering, now I catch on sooner, I recover relatively quickly, and I can simply enjoy my relationship.
“Plus, two bonuses:
- my chronic illness
no longer lays me up 1/4 of the time,
and
- at work,
I’m no longer intimidated by certain passengers.”
“I can’t recommend your work highly enough, Bree.”
Everybody,
every budget, gets
efficient, effective, equanimous support.
Efficient:
In as little
as one weekend…
Effective:
…we thoroughly dismantle
a Mood-Bomb…
Equanimous:
…with zero drama,
zero trauma.
Guaranteed Relief:
DISMANTLE A MOOD-BOMB
conversations, you get:
A big Care Package
via snail mail
A Thumb Drive
to record all our calls locally
A satisfaction-tracking App to
ensure relief is long-lasting
journey, and guarantee your outcome.
Your stress on a scale of 1-10
will be cut in half
and stay there,
even nine weeks after we’re done.
Guaranteed.
It’s common to pay well over $2700 for a good therapist,
(if you can find one.)
"Suddenly, I had no work and no income"
B.K.
Snowboarder & Scientist
"[The shift you facilitated] impressed not only me, but all the employers I sought to work for.
"I now work with the firm of my choice, and I know it is the right fit. Pragmatically speaking, I'm making a healthy salary. Plus I'm ecstatic to work with a team of people who share many of my visions and work dilligently to make them real.
"We did this together, Bree.
"Thank you for standing by me."
No big rush…
How ’bout just doing the simplest thing ever:
email.
You’ll immediately get my take on