You don’t want therapy.
You want what you signed up for
when your partner moved in:
when your partner moved in:
more pleasure,
less pressure!
less pressure!
But if she’s like: “we need to talk.”
And you’re like: “we just did!”
It can’t last.
Whether you’re still together, or broken up,
talking about talking
can feel circuitous
like a trap.
You're a Lover,
When trust, love, and connection feel unreliable, it can suddenly get scary.
The blame-game can make you want to throw in the towel.
Trying to “just be chill” can get you misinterpreted as
“distant,” “distracted,” or “uncaring.”
Oof!
- You do hear her.
- She does affect you.
- You are taking action!
You just don’t want all the blame.
Do you need to catch your breath and regroup?
If she’s proposing therapy,
she may have no idea what that implies.
she may have no idea what that implies.
No clue.
She probably honestly thinks it’ll be a big help.
For both of you.
She doesn’t realize that, for you, an invitation to couples therapy
might feel more like being told to do stuff that’s already difficult in private,
on an enforced schedule
and, on top of that,
“performing in front of a live audience.”
…an audience whose Ph.D. you’re paying for.
That would take a lot of trust you don’t have.
You don’t want to pay anyone to
- get you to apologize,
- prompt you to say “I love you,” or
- dissect thoughts/feelings caused by misinterpretations —
AS IF YOU HADN’T TRIED THAT YET.
NO, THANKS!
Do any of these scenarios sound familiar?
It’s hard to trust things can improve by paying for ‘help.’
Being asked to adopt vocabulary
that doesn’t come easily or naturally to you,
can feel like being warmly welcomed into an unfair fight.
Like a test without warning.
Sudden death.
Hiring (potentially unhelpful) ‘help’ feels awfully
- risky,
- expensive, and
- anxiety-provoking
(which jinxes it bigtime.)
…especially if self-harm is part of your truth
that you don’t want a Mandatory Reporter putting on record
for the world of 9-1-1 to see,
or initiating any kind of Psych Hold.
“No plans, no.
No-sir, ma’am.
Never-been-better!
Have-a-good-day-Goodbye!”
When the mere idea of an unhappy partner
feels like a threat to your relationship status
— perhaps to your identity —
it’s hard to imagine how anything could make a difference
FAST ENOUGH…
FAST ENOUGH…
The premise of ‘help’ is too alarming, isolating, and stressful in & of itself.
Even one-on-one, tailored help that actually feels like it’s working has built-in awkwardness:
the open-ended format of slow-drip, weekly, 50-minute appointments without an end in sight
requires a certain amount of patience and trust
some of us simply don’t have.
the open-ended format of slow-drip, weekly, 50-minute appointments without an end in sight
requires a certain amount of patience and trust
some of us simply don’t have.
You have good reason to hesitate, and…
the more you know, the wiser your choices will be.
I offer interesting research prompts in my
Un-Course.
completely FREE.
The Un-Course is independent research:
- You decide where/how you get your info.
- Open-ended prompts.
- Stimulating questions.
- No right/wrong answers.
- You practice articulating yourself
without being on trial.
Let’s celebrate your independent thinking.
The world won’t change overnight from one little course,
but taking it is, technically, proof you’re “doing something.”
If you have little hope for real, tangible, lasting,
empowering relief,
…I invite you to scroll back up,
enroll in the Un-Course to allow your critical thinking capabilities to justify that fear
without altogether giving in to doom-and-gloom…
before you read on.
Surely therapy isn't
the only option...
Many couples therapists recommend
that partners each hire their own
one-on-one support-person
in addition to the couple’s counselor.
If you’d rather NOT have to pay multiple people
session-by-session,
indefinitely…
If you don’t have the energy for anything without a guarantee…
If you want something efficient and effective
before you’ll even consider opening up in couples therapy…
If you’ve ever wished for a quick-and-painless,
lecture-free, fascinating,
brilliance-unleashing non-therapy
designed by and for the Sherlock Holmes’ of the real world…
…but assumed that option doesn’t exist…
This is your lucky day.
Even if you’re so averse to talking about emotions
that you’d rather describe objects’ relative speed and position in space and time,
you might just love my approach to helping you
- tap your own deeper knowing,
- get more accurate readings of your and others’ chemistry, and
- test deconstructive hypotheses — not destructive ones
(e.g. “will this small change make a difference?” vs. “does life just suck?”)
Hi, I’m Bree.
Being a Dutch graduate of Laboratory Sciences whose thesis project bla bla bla (was published in Nucleic Acids Research, took place in Harvard’s Dana-Farber Cancer Institute, and led me to Seattle Cancer Care Alliance for microchimerism research) might sound impressive, but I haven’t touched a PCR machine or Northern blot since 2006.
I never made discoveries half as thrilling in the lab, as I did when receiving the modality I now offer you: the calm, curious light of scientific inquiry itself.
It showed me who I really am, rather than who I dreaded I was/should be.
I’ve helped over 400 individual clients and over 200 group participants extricate themselves from the clutches of emotional turmoil and its alienating consequences. I am a Case Consultant / Intervision Specialist to IFS Therapists and Couples Counselors in 7 countries.
I have a special place in my heart for fellow neurodivergents, because it’s so hard for us to find the right support. They tell me that my straightforward, transparent, predictable, flexible, warm facilitation style is comforting and fosters trust.
I work with men because men – especially technically savvy or scientifically trained men — have always been the most grateful to find me and my particular approach.
The foundation of my work with men
who are terribly uncomfortable talking about feelings
I specialize in working with men who honestly answer
“what are you feeling?” with stuff like:
nothing
I’m fine,
I don’t know,
I’m okay, I guess,
numb,
frozen,
clammed up,
shut-down,
stuck,
speechless,
alien,
dead,
mute,
unable to speak,
dumbfounded,
emotionally dumb, overwhelmed,
stressed-but-bored,
bewildered,
disengaged,
far-off,
distracted,
log-jammed,
grid-locked,
weird,
blank,
unsure,
hazy,
vacant, or
static-y.
Where others say or imply that your honest response is “inappropriate,” or “doesn’t give them much to work with,” I cherish your exact words as data, and show you the picture they make.
I even embrace and am able to work fine with stuff like “nothing,” “Ugh,” or “I don’t know” as a perfectly valid description of how you “feel” as well.
My principles:
- Your natural utterances are actually much more specific and helpful than typical “feelings vocabulary” (mad, sad, glad, etc.).
- Labels like ‘stubborn’ or ‘impossible’ are often signs of simple misunderstanding by people who are much less principle-driven.
- You’ve been right to numb overwhelming feelings.
…and it’s numbing your aliveness.
In my and my clients’ experience, numbing was wisest — until more options came available from our quick work relieving the underlying stress. - It’s important to keep numbness as an option, just not your only option.
- Considering the taboos men face, you deserve a money-back guarantee.
So I offer one: your stress on a scale of 1-10 will be cut in half and stay there, even nine weeks after we’re done. If it isn’t, you get your money back.
You make perfect sense.
It just takes sorting out.
With my support, you have all the brilliant insights yourself.
And, most importantly:
tangible, measurable results.
Your own wisdom is wiser
than that of anyone
trying to manipulate you
into being like them.
It’s tempting to ask others for advice, and then be “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” and completely anxious about whether to follow it just to please them (and prove you’re different), because at some level you already know it won’t work for you.
That’s partly because even the best advice in the world isn’t alive for you, it’s not appealing to you, it’s not responsive in real time — because it’s not coming from within you.
how to gain postive experience
of your own real wisdom ASAP?
If your trust in yourself has been damaged, or never took root in the first place, it makes perfect sense to prioritize that above all else. And you need reliable evidence to reliably rebuild your self-trust.
When I did it, I called it ‘calibrating myself to Myself.’
When you’re new to tapping into your own wisdom, you might need it in small bites of verifyable data, so you can grow it bit by bit.
Your trust in your ability to become the man you’ve always wanted to be, would need to be based on a lot of pixels, a lot of bites, a lot of real, tangible information.
You need to feel relief.
You need proof there’s nothing inside of you that you can’t understand yourself (even if, at first, you need support in learning how to look at it.)
“Bite-sized” doesn’t mean it needs to take long.
One weekend has turned many lives around.
The changes that follow are truly optional:
You can choose to be
- more yourself,
- more capable, and
- more free than ever,
and yet, you can also consciously opt for your
- familiar,
- old,
- habitual response,
if that’s what’s wisest in any given situation.
You’re truly adding options… without losing anything.
What if you could stop stressing about how exactly to
“just be yourself?”
- Suddenly, being around people would be far more rewarding and interesting…
- which would make life a lot less baffling, tedious, and scary…
- which would make all of your goals easier to reach…
It disregards personal, cultural, and others' expectations.
It doesn't recognize when you are actually required to choose between pleasing others on the one hand, and even having space or time to notice what your own thoughts and desires are o the other.
Your love of exactitude
can unlock innate soft skills overnight
— skills you thought you didn’t have.
Step 1
2 Free calls
$0
-
It's 2 calls, because nobody likes to make decisions the first time they meet someone. I want to hear about your situation.
You might be afraid you're a burden, scary, or "a bad man," but I promise you: I get how pain and the search for relief motivates many decisions.
I'm not out to control or try to save you.
I'm here to just be 'in it' with you, with care, and get your point of view from that place. There's room for us to build trust. I've been burned, too... I get it.
More info on
Step 1.
Step 1.
You're protected by a comprehensive privacy policy.
No faith/hope required.
No hard sales. No pressure.
No faith/hope required.
No hard sales. No pressure.
available
on short term
on short term
Step 1 includes a separate, 2nd, optional appointment (also FREE)
for discussing the possibility of Step 2
Step 2
Taste-test &Detailed DIY Plan
$
350
payment in installments
-
Session 1: Taste-Test.
Like after a little spoon of ice-cream, you could walk away without paying, but you'll want a proper serving!
-
Session 2: Detailed DIY Plan.
Bespoke Plan we co-engineer using a vast resource with everything you need to learn how to DIY!
-
Mentoring Calls: Zoom + app support
Ten Mentoring Calls to celebrate & supplement your success at relieving otherwise-permanent emotional pain!
More info on
Step 2
No faith/hope required.
This is when we would pick one measurable life-improvement,
and outline how & how quickly you can get there.
Step 2
No faith/hope required.
This is when we would pick one measurable life-improvement,
and outline how & how quickly you can get there.
accepting
new mentees
new mentees
Step 2 stands on its own.
You can cheaply opt to go it alone using my app for accountability and our 10 appointments for support, or you could involve a buddy/Peer-Support Specialist/etc.
If, rather than being my Mentee, you’d prefer that I facilitate you as my Client, you’ll want to look into Step 3:
Step 3
Guaranteed Relief
$
900 x 3
sliding scale available
-
As soon as you start making installments, you get
-
everything from the DIY PLAN,
-
plus:
-
A big care package via snail mail.
-
A thumb drive for recording all our Zoom meetings.
-
2.5 days of my undivided attention over Zoom,
or the equivalent spaced out over time. -
Relief from shame and the blame-game.
-
9 integrative visits because "Wow! That was fast!"
-
Satisfaction-tracking app to guarantee it lasts.
-
GUARANTEED RELIEF FROM CHRONIC
RECURRING, PAINFUL FEELINGS.
More info on
Step 3
No faith/hope required.
* I guarantee 100% satisfaction or your money back regarding significant improvement in your life, based on the specific metric we define together at Step 2.
Step 3
No faith/hope required.
* I guarantee 100% satisfaction or your money back regarding significant improvement in your life, based on the specific metric we define together at Step 2.
accepting
new clients
new clients
I can't thank you enough for helping me change my life.
I chose one small thing to work on for the weekend intensive – healthier eating – but the positive effects of our work have spilled over into other household chores, such as:
- doing groceries mindfully
- actually prepping the healthy food ahead so it’s ready to eat instead of grabbing chips and salsa and calling that "dinner"
- doing dishes and keeping the kitchen clean
- making the bed
- taking out the garbage.
Weirdly, unrelated things have also gotten easier, like being on time for meetings and getting more organized.
It took some time after our weekend before anything shifted at all, and at first the changes were subtle.
But now the changes are gaining momentum, and all the little things are adding up to a big difference.
I chose one small thing to work on for the weekend intensive – healthier eating – but the positive effects of our work have spilled over into other household chores, such as:
- doing groceries mindfully
- actually prepping the healthy food ahead so it’s ready to eat instead of grabbing chips and salsa and calling that "dinner"
- doing dishes and keeping the kitchen clean
- making the bed
- taking out the garbage.
Weirdly, unrelated things have also gotten easier, like being on time for meetings and getting more organized.
It took some time after our weekend before anything shifted at all, and at first the changes were subtle.
But now the changes are gaining momentum, and all the little things are adding up to a big difference.
Introvert with ADHD
If someone were, like me, never able to have big groups of friends, tried Adderall, alcohol, and all kinds of therapy, but wasn't able to talk much or give the therapist much to work with, I'd recommend working with you.
What we did in one weekend now allows me to pay a lot more attention to upset, fear, and other fight/flight reactions.
Since then, I've been able to be more comfortable with myself, and not bring myself down.
What we did in one weekend now allows me to pay a lot more attention to upset, fear, and other fight/flight reactions.
Since then, I've been able to be more comfortable with myself, and not bring myself down.
Tech
Bree, I offer tremendous thanks.
This book would not have happened without you.
I've had many past lives, but you...
You're from the future.
This book would not have happened without you.
I've had many past lives, but you...
You're from the future.
Your approach impressed not only me, but all the employers I sought to work for.
I now work with the firm of my choice, and I know it is the right fit. Pragmatically speaking I’m making a healthy salary. Plus I’m ecstatic to work with a team of people who share many of my visions and work diligently to make them real.
We did this together, Bree.
Thanks for standing by me.
I now work with the firm of my choice, and I know it is the right fit. Pragmatically speaking I’m making a healthy salary. Plus I’m ecstatic to work with a team of people who share many of my visions and work diligently to make them real.
We did this together, Bree.
Thanks for standing by me.
Snowboarder, Scientist
You assisted me with such positive change.
It has made a huge difference in my outlook and my ability to relax, be more content, and happy.
Plus it had completely unexpected health benefits.
I can't recommend your work highly enough.
It has made a huge difference in my outlook and my ability to relax, be more content, and happy.
Plus it had completely unexpected health benefits.
I can't recommend your work highly enough.
Public Servant
For a decade, I did not have close personal relations. It was like:
‘I don’t care! This is hopeless! Forget it!’
Well, it was a Hail Mary pass, but
this has been the HUGEST turn-around!
‘I don’t care! This is hopeless! Forget it!’
Well, it was a Hail Mary pass, but
this has been the HUGEST turn-around!
Retired Clinical
Massage Therapist
When we start I am always nervous that I can’t be helped, but I feel significant relief after every session with you.
I’ve been in and out of very chaotic emotional situations most of my life; going in and out of psychiatric hospitals since I was a teenager, and you're the first person that has made me feel connected with myself in a genuine and authentic way.
Without telling me to have hope, you helped me see for myself that there was, in fact, hope. I continue to be amazed with our sessions and their impacts on every part of my life.
I’ve been in and out of very chaotic emotional situations most of my life; going in and out of psychiatric hospitals since I was a teenager, and you're the first person that has made me feel connected with myself in a genuine and authentic way.
Without telling me to have hope, you helped me see for myself that there was, in fact, hope. I continue to be amazed with our sessions and their impacts on every part of my life.
Former insomniac
I’m a big-bandwidth person, and so I’m often afraid of overwhelming people.
What I appreciate about you, Bree, is that you are “big enough.”
I can be as big, or as much, of “me” as I need to be, and you can meet me.
I don’t have to be nervous about “OMG, I have to say only 10% of who I am” for fear of overwhelming you.
What I appreciate about you, Bree, is that you are “big enough.”
I can be as big, or as much, of “me” as I need to be, and you can meet me.
I don’t have to be nervous about “OMG, I have to say only 10% of who I am” for fear of overwhelming you.
Portland, OR
We’re very different people – I’m introverted, shy, and sometimes shut down, and Bree can be very outgoing and outspoken – and she consistently meets our differences by
- communicating transparently about her own experience,
- inviting me to give her feedback and adapting to it, and
- actively and compassionately seeking to understand my experience.
Our meetings have provided me a rare opportunity to experimentally speak my full truth, which has been valuable practice that I have seen enrich my other relationships.
It’s been a pleasure to learn and grow with her.
- communicating transparently about her own experience,
- inviting me to give her feedback and adapting to it, and
- actively and compassionately seeking to understand my experience.
Our meetings have provided me a rare opportunity to experimentally speak my full truth, which has been valuable practice that I have seen enrich my other relationships.
It’s been a pleasure to learn and grow with her.
Shy introvert
Don’t believe me?
That’s healthy skepticism!
How ’bout just doing the simplest thing ever: email.
You’ll immediately get my take on why smarts can be so isolating.
Hit ‘Reply’ to ask me anything!
Pastimes: meaningful moments with my spouse,
singing/dancing/talking with friends,
laughing out loud at Discworld novels.
