You might not feel like you’re the person described
in all of the “Is This You” stuff.
You may find yourself in some of the descriptions,
but noticing that you feel
more woke than the people described there,
or
you feel more peace-loving,
or
more capable of meditating
or
expressing your feelings verbally.
You are also welcome.
I love working with guys like you.
I am anti-classist because that’s what I believe
we’re ultimately up against.
And so, my anti-racism,
and my allyship with, for instance, LGBTQIA2+
(I mean, I’m a member)
and my allyship in all kinds of other things
has been tempered on the website,
IN FAVOR OF
not shaming the parts all of us have
that are biased against ourselves.
I’m more clearly anti-classist than anything else,
and I’m coming at it from the under-educated perspective on purpose.
My website emphasizes being smart
but not educated.
Because when I consciously welcome
that particular type of shame,
it unfurls.
Naturally, without manipulation,
it comes to see and value
diverse lived experiences
in far more alive, more equitable ways.
Probably you’ve been referred by someone who really, really loves you and sees you struggling, maybe has noticed how much time has passed since the struggle started.
And you’re just, like: “treading water”— just trying to stay optimistic enough to keep treading water. But if you look at how long it’s been going on you might get really… willing to drown.
I don’t know if that’s the situation, but that’s often been the situation where people get referred to me, and you’re not alone.
I’ve worked with really high-performing, really intelligent people who — at the moment that they came to me — did not feel so smart.Â
They felt or called themselves “lazy,”
they called themselves “stupid,”
or they wondered if they were “being stupid,”
or how they “should feel,”
or how to “motivate themselves…”
And they had no idea that
“being hard on yourself” is not just a way to keep high standards,
but a way to keep yourself from success.
I’ve personally had that problem,
so really:
I am really glad you’re here.
If you need more of an explanation about why the rest of the site is more “common denominator” you can keep listening, but otherwise:
continue to read the page 🙂
Thank you very much for coming!
The reason that the rest of the site is a little more for people who might seem really angry or whom I’m overly empathetic with for their anger or whatever, or may be even like “anti-therapy” is:
I live, very clearly, the adage “empathy does not equal endorsement.”Â
So: just because I can empathize with someone that they, [for instance,] voted some certain way, doesn’t mean that I agreed they should have, or should in the future vote that certain way, but I can understand why *they* felt like that was a great idea, and it would get them more of what they want for the country or whatever.
And if those people can’t turn to anyone or don’t turn to anyone because they feel like everyone’s part of this conspiracy, or a system that is out to get people like them belittled, or told they’re not “woke” enough, or told they’re not effeminate, or whatever, enough — they might have some hang-ups about what’s happening to masculinity.
As a woman, I can’t afford to stigmatize or accidentally shame clients on their way into my practice. So I have made my site very clearly so I don’t say “I work with highly intelligent men.”
I imply that you’re smart, but if I say “I work with highly intelligent men,” the very people that I have worked with wouldn’t have worked with me, because they know they’re highly intelligent, but ABOUT what they’re frustrated about… they don’t feel so smart, or skilled, or experienced, or confident.
And that’s exactly when you need someone who sees that you ARE intelligent, but doesn’t require it as, like, a prerequisite.
So if my website looks a little bit like it might not be for you, but you like me? Welcome.Â
I don’t even talk about politics with my clients in my sessions. At least not in the first batch of sessions. You could do ongoing work with me and we could talk about whatever.
But I really want all of my clients to taste this modality where you actually can dismantle a mood-bomb. Something that keeps happening to you.
It might seem mysterious as to how anything we could discuss could change it, but it’s not by discussing trauma, not discussing “who’s ‘fault’ it is,” and so forth.
So my modality really does lend itself to people who tend to not want to talk much.
So that’s why the rest of my site seems like it’s for other guys. Guys you wouldn’t be proud to count yourself among, maybe, but actually, I think you’d be pretty proud to count yourself among any of my graduates or clients or whatever, because you come up with the insights yourself.
People who like coming up with their own insights, finding intrinsic motivation and guidance from their own intellect — an intelligent heart, a rational heart — that’s good company.
Thanks for coming.
See you soon I hope!
Looking and identifying as I do, I can’t help but remind certain men (e.g. ones with white, cis-female moms) of their mothers at some unconscious level we can do little about.
If I look at them wrong, some will wither with shame. If I look at them just right, they may have some other strong reaction, like instantaneous trust. I therefore have a unique power and responsibility to help some men who, otherwise, might never open themselves to support of any kind.
I watched how my brother was groomed to “toughen up,” not cry “like a girl” or risk being given “something to cry about.”
I take rectifying such treatment very seriously.
And I’m very confident I can, starting by being clear that I’m non-judgmental.
NO HATE is a campaign to protect all of us from 2 ballot measures up for vote in November 2026: IL26-001 and IL26-638.
One claims to be about fairness, but would license suspicious adults to touch and discuss the genitals of students participating in sports in certain WA school systems.
The other claims to include parents, but is meant to alert the exact kind of parents you don’t want involved in any kids’ mental health/formation, and wedge them like wrenches into the mandatory reporting process that saves children’s lives from parental and other abuse and consequential homelessness, numbing behaviors, and suicides. I fear that the only safe and respectful teachers and school counselors (mandatory reporters) would be forced to choose between either serving youth who need trustworthy adults, or the system that currently pays their checks. An even further escalated moral crisis with no winners. Not even those who want this to pass.
I live, work, and play on the traditional lands of the Squaxin Island Peoples, and use digital tools that encroach on natural habitats for no valid reason.
My carbon footprint is mostly brought about by national policy.
I am a Luddite in that I do not condone the use of technology to displace human culture or connection — only to restore it. Some phases of this transition look mighty strange to me, too.
I embrace all walks of life and religious traditions’ mystical roots, but care more about how you humbly, reliably, and responsibly tap into the Whole than which Good Book is in your breast pocket, getting between our sensitive, rational hearts.
I let visitors who think IQ and race have anything to do with one another feel safe to come close enough to discover, as clients entering an emotionally safe container, that their own belonging is at stake — but not in the ways they’ve been scared into loathing.
If you heard the testimonials I haven’t been permitted to share, about biases that melted away without having been addressed directly AT ALL, you would applaud my approach — and you’d recruit as many men as would trust you have their best interest at heart.
You’d tell them that I simply help with dismantling mood-bombs.
You’d send them to the main home page with a clear conscience…
because there is no bait-and-switch:
That’s the ‘inclusion’ some of us need.
And I offer it so we all get the real deal:
truly curious, respectful, interconnected belonging.
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. wrote in his famous Letter from Birmingham Jail in 1963, that he’d been gravely disappointed with the white moderate, going so far as to conclude that the white moderate, more than the Klansman, was the Black freedom struggle’s greatest obstacle:
He added that shallow understanding from people of good will is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding from people of ill will, and that lukewarm acceptance is much more bewildering than outright rejection.
that might be self-interest — they probably want to hear you talking about how happy you are with the issues having fallen away, and you coming alive and able to be yourself like never before.
In my experience, it’s vital that my clients are conscious of making a choice between multiple options, including heading the way you’re headed with no additional support whatsoever.
But more seriously:
I hope you feel free to subscribe to any of my social media, where I cross-pollinate other people’s work who also support guys like you. I invite you to interview at least 3 of us (FOR FREE!!!) and make a conscious choice for a funner, easier road ahead.
If you click here, you can book time right now, and I can help you pick 2 other people to book as well, if you like.
BEWARE OF THE BRIGHT WHITE PAGE about to appear when you click that. It’s the best way I’ve found to set up to meet and invent whatever will work best for you.
See you soon!
Shame causes all of the -isms.Â
When I help a client simply dismantle
a personal hell
(a Mood-Bomb of any kind whatsoever),
they come out the other side
more inclusive of all of their inner processes,
and more able to proceed
without shame.
With true intelligence.
You were referred,
so please!
fill in the Contact Form!
More info
at the bottom of the Services page:
