How It Works

It’s hard to be yourself in the big, wide world, because –for better or for worse– your own neurology is affected by every blob of neurology around you.

It’s hard to track (or ignore) the over- or underwhelming stimuli. It’s even harder to scientifically observe what their effects on you actually are.

And without that basic information, it’s impossible to affect your circumstances. So you use up all your energy hoping and coping. “Playing nice.” “Being yourself.” Holding your breath for a moment of peace and quiet, a joke, or a hint of your work or your preferences mattering.

So You Do What You Love

We all like doing things we’re really, really, good at. And in your case… why focus on other things? You’ve got plenty of talents! And you’re so quick on the uptake when you’re actually into things, there’s hardly anything you can’t do once you’ve put your mind to it.

But connection? That’s not a real science! Where’s the lab? What’s the safety gear like?

I get it. It’s nearly impossible to practice connection “in the wild.” Letting that amazing brain of yours run free and learn as fast as it likes to, you’re likely to abort early experiments by labeling your heart (or other people) as irrational and distracting! But did you set up valid, reproducible experiments? Did you build in positive and negative controls, a sterile work environment, and actually viable samples?

Connection Lab

Chances are slim you’ve ever been really, truly, safe to notice and focus on your inner reality in the presence of someone who didn’t have any agenda. No analysis. No assumption of illness. No presumptuous fixing and changing, teaching or manipulating.

For instance, romance can validate both parties’ existence, but then disagreements can feel like an existential threat to one or both parties. I’m sure you’ve noticed: romantic connection can be rife with unspoken agreements, unmarked deadlines, and subtle messages that suddenly self-destruct. And alas, changing partners doesn’t change the dance.

So You’re Solo

And others are laughing and connecting, but it’s all a murmer, all awash. You’re removed. Alarmed. Alone. You cope.

Maybe you’ve found places to do things you’re good at, at work or elsewhere, on your own terms. Respect feels good, but doesn’t fill the void craving Love.

Maybe you’re boastful in spite of yourself, just focusing on the positive or familiar, or what floats at least your own boat… or lose yourself pleasing others. Fixing things. Computers. Engines. Systems. The world.

You’re likely to have become a people-pleaser, or a jaded wise-ass, or some version of yourself so much of the time, it’s become part of your character. Automatic. It’s who people actually think you are.

But who you really are is secret. You’re in hiding. Developing –or trying to– behind the scenes while the front-facing identity is on auto-pilot.

Behind the Mask

Hoping and coping, living behind a presentable version of yourself, even if surrounded by people, is a form of social isolation. Even if you’re surrounded by people, they likely have overt agendas, like your quarterly or annual review goals at work, that assume you’re happy to remain who you appear to be.

So the hardest part of isolation can be the inability to see or hear your privately held goals and values as doable or valuable in the face of all the pressures on you.

Hidden in plain sight behind nervous ticks, bad habits, frustrated complaints, and hopeless ideas, your heart is on your sleeve, in my view. You deserve to be safe, to be seen, to be valued for ALL of who you are and could be — even the lead in your shoes and the black hole in your chest are only trying to call attention to all you could be and become, if only things were different.

Hungering and thirsting for an all-encompassing and deep love …the terror inside can be so intense and hidden, thta it’s easier (read: temporarily workable) to believe it’s just not out there. You tell yourself it’s all on you, and “nobody’s coming, so suck it up.” But the lid keeps popping off.

Available: Lab Partner

Your world doesn’t surround you with love! It’s demoralizing!

If you’ll let me assist, based on my experience, my theory is you can affect that.

I can replace a missing link, but more importantly, help you put all the pieces in place for more successful, rewarding, positive outcomes in the experiment called life. (Of course we can’t rearrange the entire world. But your own world? You can. Bit by bit. And it’ll make all the difference in the world.)

Be physically held.

Be emotionally safe.

Be professionally respected.

Be “all you can be:” be who all you already are, all the layers, all the depth –and free to get constructive with and laugh off puzzlement and self-criticism in my amicable, loving company. If it were easy, it wouldn’t be interesting, now, would it… 🙂

It would be my honor to listen to you be grumpy at ‘everything’ and vent about how impossible it all feels, in an introductory conversation. Obligation-free.

‘An honor?’

Yes. Your willingness to take me into confidence is a scary, brave, vulnerable, courageous, counter-cultural, life-changing move, because I know how tempting it is to keep pretending nothing’s missing… but…

You’re what’s missing.

What’s impossible for one mind is not impossible for two.

What worthwhile, doable, slightly-miraculous goals might we be able to reach as a team?

Set up our call today.