How It Works

It’s hard to be you in the big, wide world… because you’re choosing between pleasing others, or being true to yourself. It’s like there’s only a razor’s edge of middle ground.

You’re unique in a way that isn’t apparent until you open your mouth. So, naturally, it’s tempting to keep it shut. Pretending to be normal might work for a while, but sooner or later, you open it. No matter what you say, it can be painful to prove yet again that people just don’t follow.

Been there, done that.

It sucks!

You shouldn’t have to choose between either pretending to be something you’re not, or rubbing people the wrong way.

You want connection without self-sacrifice.

Being yourself in the presence of another person being themselves is actually a tall order… Partly that’s due to the unreliability of random people actually being themselves. Partly it’s due to the effect that interacting with any blob of neurology has on your neurology.

Connection is one of those chicken-and-egg problems: can’t seem to get any without having some already.

You’d need to know how to help others understand and delight in you, and when and where it’s not worth trying. You can’t get that from books or from practicing “in front of the mirror.”

These are the key principles of Rational Hearts:

Connection is a special skill… but a skill nevertheless.
Connection is easiest to learn within the two key parameters:

  1. being delighted in, at the same time you’re
  2. being understood.

Connection, once you get the hang of it, is a transferable skill:
Once you get the hang of connecting regularly, your connectivity “goes mobile.” You have the bandwidth to take rational risks with your heart because, no matter what the outcome, you still feel great about yourself. More bandwidth = more connectivity. You become like a portable hot-spot. You even bring high connectivity wherever you go –even to scenes where you’re not understood, and/or not delighted in. 🙄 Not initially 🙂

Connection with one person is not enough.
Connection anywhere first requires connecting somewhere, sure.
Connection with anyone is easier if you already connect well with someone, of course.
But if that someone holds the keys to the REST of your social life, you should be very nervous. Best to add a connection emissary who hands you your own set of keys for using your smarts to connect from the heart.

The following combo guarantees connection:

and regular doses make it a portable skill.

1. Being delighted in

When someone you respect takes deep delight in the way you are, you don’t have to work so hard. Don’t have to keep defenses up. Your brain works better. Fresh perspectives arise naturally. Better ideas occur to you unbidden.

When someone truly ‘gets’ you (and can laughingly justify your peeves as known side-effects of intelligence, fully trusting you’re handling them), you can relax.

No Diagnostic Manual.
No status differential.
No looking for problems/solutions. You… just get to BE.

2. Being understood when speaking freely

Sure. Words can be hard to find. Part of that might be WHICH words and ideas you’ll find if you did grope around for them. (Did I say ‘grope’? Awkward!)

It’s stressful to risk making a fool of yourself.

You just need to be free to ad-lib. To just ‘spit it out.’ Free to sound-board the good stuff and trust that the rest won’t get you ghosted, finger-wagged, or talked down to. Bleck!

You can’t boycott yourself just because of a few maybe-foolish ideas! They’re surrounded by countless gems! You know #@^& well when a frustration or expressive gesture is politically incorrect or a caricature of yourself.

–Doesn’t mean it should fester in the dark just because someone might get offended! You don’t want a passive audience, though. You want someone who can keep up. Who also has many levels of senses of humor. Oh—and isn’t squeamish.

Being EITHER understood OR delighted in can ‘take the edge off,’ for sure.
But to really hit the spot takes both at once.

Hit that sweet spot predictably, and you gain the capacity to understand and delight in yourself and others without having to choose. Once you learn the signs in a guaranteed connecting setting… deep, playful, satisfying connection can become your new normal.

Wherever you go.

display first page of free e-book for smart guys who cringe at small talk

Delighted understanding… via your inbox?

If you want to find out whether real-time experiences of this nature could help you re-calibrate yourself to yourself, consider starting out with my e-book, Smarts Make It Hard to Connect from the Heart! Wonder why it’s free? Click here to find out.

If you’re still on the fence: you might be suffering from one of the most painful blind spots plaguing smart guys, specifically. Click here to find out.

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